Larger than Life!

SFC Metro Manila Conference: One Heart

This is my second time na maka-attend sa MMC. This time, it was held at the Rogationist College sa Silang, Cavite. And ofcourse I am expecting to feel the same feeling I felt nung una ko yun ma-experience sa MMC Christ Pursuit sa Baguio last year. Sana lang.

I don't know what happened. From the time I arrived at the venue on Friday night until Saturday, I'm feeling......sad, I felt lonely, empty. Nothing in the MMC excites me. Neither the praisefest nor the sessions or the merchandises or the events or the workshops. I'm bored. No, I'm not used to it but.....there's something missing. At first iniisip ko, siguro dahil we have small numbers of delegates kaya ganun. I even blamed it to the venue na feeling ko kasi masyadong maliwanag at exposed sa labas kaya hindi ko masyado ma-feel yung activity. I know it's weird pero ganun eh.

At one moment of Saturday morning worship, I found out what's missing. Neither the venue nor our numbers aren't the reason why I'm feeling lonely and sad. It is me. I think I lost Him. Jesus. I cannot feel His presence anymore...and I don't know why.

Saturday morning, after the praisefest, I attended "Heart made to Worship" workshop. Not because I wanted to attend that workshop but because that's the last workshop that have available slots. Sabi ko nalang sa sarili ko, "hmm ok lang kesa walang ma-attenan." So ayun, kahit pano may mga natutunan din naman ako (haha, ang sama). But there's one part of the workshop that really strikes me. It's when Bro. Kirby Llaban give us a group activity where each will prophecy (to listen to God's word or message [doesn't necessarily mean you will hear the voice of God])  and tell it in the group. I closed my eyes and turned my heart to God. At the time some words poured my mind, then also I started sharing it with the group. I believe the Lord said, "Do not be tired my child. For when the times you cannot feel my presence. I assure you that I am there." It was as plain and as short as that. That confirmation from God gave me courage to strive more in service. But after hearing those words.....again....I lost Him. It's like He just answered the phone for a moment then suddenly hunged up.

At the end of session 3 is the Holy Hour. Up to that time I'm expecting God would again confirm to me that He's not giving me up. It could be a feeling, or an event, or words, or a sign, or an embrace, or a song, or an image....anything! But no. Nothing comes. I looked around me and I see people crying...praying. I know they're in His glory that time. But me....I'm lost. That time, I bowed my head, closed my eyes and uttered, "Bakit hindi kita maramdaman Lord?". I waited for a response....and there's nothing. I'm losing hope. As I opened my eyes and looked up, I saw Jesus' image in the screen... bigla ko nalang nasabi, "Lord....nami-miss na kita." And by then, I started to cry.

Truly, this MMC is far different from the Christ Pursuit. Based on my experience, the last year's MMC is full of fun and heartwarming. This time, it was more emotional and spiritually mature. I believe God had just put me into a test. He maybe want to know what I'm going to do when He made me feel He's not there. Maybe, He's just want to observe my thoughts and my action in those times. I realized...I'm so selfish. I keep asking myself what God could give me, or what else can I expect from Him, or "Is God giving me His best?" when the real question should be, "Am I giving God my best?".

At the end of this conference, I admit that I didn't enjoyed it that much. But this conference isn't about enjoyment. It's about renewal. A reminder. It's about realizations. Letting us know what God wants for us. Bringing us closer to God. And the message is loud and clear. When we feel we are lost, call Him and He, without doubt, will come to rescue. God's love for us is everlasting and extravagant. No sin is bigger than His loving heart. When we come to a point of not feeling us beside Him, believe that He's there. He confirmed it.

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

Never doubt His words. Because His words are eternal. And He is faithful. We just need to listen, to trust and to believe.

The Egg

This is really really a must read piece! Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ko at kung anong naramdaman ko after reading this story. But sure it somehow reminds me that showing goodness to others is showing goodness to yourself. Don't stop reading kung feeling nyo boring or kung meron kayong hindi nagustuhan sa sinabi. Naramdaman ko din yan habang binabasa to. I know there are some points here that maybe contradicts our belief. Pero hindi naman 'to for religion or it doesn't even challenges one. Anyway, it's really worth reading. Just read the whole texts and see for yourselves.


The Egg
By: Andy Weir


You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

The Lost Jewel

WOW! Hindi ko alam na meron nagkaron pala tayo ng ganitong simbahan sa pinas! Stunning!

Feels like Europe right? This is the old Oton church of Ilo-ilo. One of the architectural achievements of the colonial period. In a form of a Greek cross, it is one of its kind in the country as it was the only one with such a plan and architecture blending Byzantine with Gothic and classical elements. This structure that would have been one of the most majestic churches of the country was spared during the second world war, but it was destroyed by an earthquake in January 1948. So sad that it has never been rebuilt.

Its interior reminds me of Old English churches which chairs are arranged horizontally aligned with the side walls. I didn't know why those chairs aren't facing the altar...weird. Hehe. Interesting that we once had this kind of church architecture that I only seeing in classic english movies such as the "Shadowlands". I dreamt of such jewel standing on our own land. Not as a "copycat" of western architecture, but a symbol of our glorious past.

Heroistic

Just got this "RARE" photo of our national hero from skyscrapercity (my favorite forum site for manila's history, people, destinations, architectures, developments, etc.). Yes! I know, kahit ako nagulat at natawa dahil ibang-iba pala ang itsura ng ating pambansang bayani compare sa mga nakalagay sa libro at sa mga monumento nya. No offense sa mga maka-Rizal ah. I have nothing againts him. Ilang taon kaya siya dito? Medyo hawig pala sya ni pacman. Ehe.

Maluwag pa! Maluwag pa!

Napaka-gagaling mang-uto ng mga kundoktor sa maynila! Kapag sumasakay ako ng bus sa Makati, siguro isa lang ako sa maraming nagogoyo ng mga kundoktor. Sasabihin nila maluwag pa, maraming upuan, tapos pagsakay mo tama nga sila, maluwag pa sa gitna para tumayo! Ang nakakainis pa, hindi ka na pwedeng bumaba dahil bawal bumaba sa sakayan. Kunsensya mo pa kung maging pasaway ka at bumaba ka dahil mahuhuli yung bus at ma-aabala yung mga sakay nila.

Madalas din kapag pumapasok naman ako, pilit na sinisiksik nung mga kundoktor na yan yung mga tao sa gitna. Sasabihin, "Boss maki-usog po dun sa likod oh at naaaapaaaakaaaluwag pa dyan.", Wow manong! Naaaapaaaakaaaaaluwag ba kamo ng bus nyo? Ano yan MOA??? Feeling siguro nila mga gummy bears yung mga pasahero nila na lumiliit habang sinisiksik. Eh kung kayo kayang mga kundoktor ang isiksik ko ng husto sa isang bus at ng maintindihan nyo kung anong pakiramdam!

Meron pang ibang kundoktor na kunyare concern na concern, "Konting urong naman po dyan sa likod oh, para makasakay naman po yung iba at makapasok din (sa trabaho)." Hay kuya 'wag ka ng dumrama dyan dahil hindi effective!

Ang nakakainis pa sa mga yan, ang baiiiiiiittt bait bait nila kapag sasakay ka. Pero kapag bababa ka na nako! Sila pa yung galit! "Paki-bilisan naman nung mga bababa dyan oh!" Manong aba! Paano naman magiging mabilis maka-baba eh halos wala ng daanan sa gitna dahil puno ng tao na pilit nyong siniksik! Meron pa, "Oh, mga bababa ng megamol! megamol! megamol!" Kuya Shangri-La palang! Ang layo pa ng megamall! Tapos, kapag hindi ka umimik nung nagpapababa sila ng megamol sa shangri-la at dun ka bumaba sa babaan ng megamall, sila pa ang galit. "Nakoooooo! kanina pa sinabing megamol eh!" Nakaka-inis! 'di ba Monch??? Haha. Madalas nararanasan ko yan kapag pauwi ako ng Bulacan. Wala pa kami sa terminal ng Five Star sasabihin nung kundoktor, "Oh yung mga bababa ng Baliwag! Baliwag! Dito na po!" Gusto ko nalang sabihin, "Ay nalipat na pala yung terminal ng Baliwag, mas lumapit na sya."

Hindi naman ako yung tipong gusto kong bumaba sa saktong sakto. Ang sakin lang, may mga tamang babaan naman. Sana sundin naman nila yon. Isa pa, konting respeto naman. Lahat naman tayo nagtatrabaho. Lahat tayo kailangang kumita. Pero sana 'wag tayong maka-sarili. Isipin din natin kung mabuti pa ba yung nagagawa natin o hindi. Hindi mo naman ikakayaman yang pangsi-siksik at pang-aabala sa iba.

Sana lang din kasi maging maayos yung pasahod sa mga driver at kundoktor para hindi sila ganyan. Kung meron lang siguro silang fixed na sahod at allowance at hindi sila kaparte lang ng kumpanya eh hindi naman siguro sila magkukumahog at ipagsisiksikan hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang espasyo ng bus nila yung mga pasahero. Sabi ko nga, isipin din natin yung kalagayan ng iba. Hindi ang sarili lang natin.

Kayo? Anong pinakanakaka-stress na nararanasan nyo sa bus???

Fire or Ice?

Nakakainis pa din si Bella! Selfish pa din sya! Hmp! (Affected??? hehe)

Hindi naman ako Team Edward at hindi rin naman ako Team Jacob. Wala. Nakakainis lang dahil ayaw mawalan ni Bella. Gusto nya pareho! Hindi nga pwede eh! Sabi nga sa I Miss You Like Crazy, "Isa lang ang puso mo, kaya dapat isa lang ang laman nyan."At hindi lang yon ah! Harap-harapang nakikipag-harutan sya sa dalawa! (Eh bakit ba kasi masyado kang affected?) Wala! 'Wag syang magrereklamo kapag nag-two time yang si Edward at si Jake ah!

Anyway, about the movie, hindi yun yung ine-expect ko na movie. Hindi sya kasing-ganda tulad ng inaasahan ko. Hindi naman sya pangit pero...basta may kulang. Ang pangit din ng pagkamatay ni Victoria. Nung napatay nga sya ni Edward bigla kong naisip, "Ay, ganon lang sya namatay??? Patay na ba talaga sya? baka naman mabubuhay pa???" Haha. Ang tagal-tagal naman kasi ng pinaghintay ni Victoria for revenge tapos bumuo-buo pa sya ng army tapos mamamatay lang sya na parang hindi manlang nahirapan si Edward. Hayy ewan!

Mas gusto ko pa rin yung New Moon. But I would still watch the Breaking Dawn.Wala, para lang matapos ko yung series. Hehe. Hindi naman ako talaga fan ng vampires at wolves. Lalo na ni Bella! (Bitter, haha)

Sunnyside!

Hindi, hindi 'to tungkol sa pagluluto at lalong walang kinalaman 'to sa pagpiprito ng itlog. It's about Toy Story 3!

I never became a fan of Toy Story, but sure I'm a fan of Disney. Wala, dahil siguro hindi ko rin naman na-try panoorin dati sa movie house. Eh nung Wednesday night, hindi ko ba malaman kila Bebe kung bakit bigla nalang nila naisipan manood ng muvi. Habang ako ay nananahimik sa bahay eh bigla nalang nagtext tong si Bebe na manood daw kami ng Toy Story. Ako naman nagreply, sabi ko wala na kaming maaabutan kasi past 8PM na nun (actually nagdadahilan lang ako, haha). Tapos napagalitan pa ko. Kanina pa daw yung text nya na yun. Eh sori naman kasalanan ko bang ngayon lang naresiv ng fone ko??? Haha. Hindi pa nasiyahan at tumawag pa talaga. Nung una ayoko talaga. Unang-una hindi ko naman trip panoorin yon. Pangalawa, hindi yun nakasama sa budget ko. Pangatlo, manonood na nga kami ng Eclipse, ok na yun. Pang-apat, ayoko narin talagang lumabas ng bahay. Pang-lima.... hinde, wala ng pang-lima. Haha.

Nandung dinahilan ko na yung ginagawa ko, na wala akong budget para don, tapos eh kasi umuulan... eh wala. Bigla nalang kaming napunta sa broadway at binanatan ako ng mga makabagbag-damdaming mga linya na pang-academy awards. At ayon, effective. Napa-sama na ko. Haha.

Natuwa naman ako kasi first time ko manood sa 3D! Hihi.. Yun nga lang may kamahalan talaga, pero ano pa ba magagawa ko? Haha. Siguro magdadagdag ka ng P100 sa presyo ng 2D theaters para sa 3D. Pero iba pa rin ang IMAX sa 3D theaters. Sa IMAX P350-P650 yata ang price depende sa movie. Anyway, ayun hindi ko nalang inisip yung binayaran ko (alam nyo naman ako, hehe) at in-enjoy ko nalang ang panonood.

Nung unang beses na sinoot ko yung 3D glass, na-amaze naman ako kasi ang galing! (haha, kinilig bigla?) Advertisement palang yung pinanood ko ah, hindi pa talaga yung movie. Haha. Tapos nung eto na, nagsimula na yung movie, hindi pa rin sakin mawala yung amazement kasi para talaga syang nasa harap mo at malapit sayo. (Sori naman, first time lang) Habang ako ay sobrang excited, bigla nalang bumanat itong si Monch na, "Ano pa pinagkaiba? (ng 3D sa 2D), parang wala naman." Ay gusto ko talagang tumambling! Hehe.

Nakakatuwa lang kasi parang ang lapit-lapit mo sa mga characters. Para talaga silang nakalabas sa screen. I just can't imagine kung ano pa yung mai-ooffer satin ng technology in the future. Pano pa kaya sa henerasyon ng mga apo natin? Baka pwede na rin nila mahawakan yung pinapanood nila. Anyway, I really enjoyed the movie. It was great as other Disney movies. Naaliw pa ko kasi may toy dun na kamuka nung laruan ko dati... si Chatter Telephone! Meron akong ganun! (So ano?) Wala naalala ko lang, hindi ko na kasi yun nakikita. Kaya pala kasi na-donate na sya sa Sunnyside Day Care. Haha. Isa pa pala, alam ko na kung bakit bigla nilang naisip na manood ng Toy Story. Kasi kasama pala sa cast si Bebe! (si Bonnie) At gusto nya kaming sorpresahin! Haha. Bebe magkano TF mo don??? Magpakain ka naman!

 

Mamaya we'll be watching Eclipse! Excited na ko... hehe... (^^,)